What's the difference between dating Asian girls and Western girls?

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2 Answers

Mostly in their values related to family. The family approval and make or break the relationship. But that’s mostly with the more traditional Asian girls here in Taiwan.

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Don’t Date Asian Girls Unless You Read This First

I have been living and working in Asia for over ten years, but that doesn’t make me an expert in Asian women. Asian girls are a mystery and always will be to me. The term “Asian Girl” is far too general. Each Asian country has their own customs and culture, language, faux pas, and eccentricities. All I can do is share the little that I have learned living in China and Taiwan, and see if it can give you a head start in your journey to dating Asian girls. These are observations and practical knowledge, whether you’re looking to date Asian girls in the West or in Asia.

I went to China as an English teacher fresh out of college. Despite growing up abroad, I was quite naive about Asian people and cultures. My hometown didn’t exactly have a thriving Asian community, like San Francisco and New York City. But when I arrived in China, my curiosity peaked and I was instantly fascinated by the local women.

Why date asian girls?

Asian girls carry themselves differently than women in the United States. For one, Chinese and Taiwanese girls tend to be down to earth, but at the same time mysterious. They are quick to say hello, smile, and be friendly, but they won’t reveal too much. They offer you a carrot and then take it away.

Maybe it’s confucian values that teach humility. Oversharing during conversation is looked down upon in many Asian cultures. However, girls in China can also be quick to let you know when they have an upset stomach and have been on the toilet all day. There’s a fine balance between not revealing too many details and oversharing.

Challenges in dating Asian girls as a WesternerWhen dating Asian girls, you may find yourself perplexed as you navigate through her local customs and your Western upbringing. Is it ok to give her a hug when you meet? Probably not. Should you always pay for the meal, cocktail, or coffee? Definitely. There are external forces driving an Asian girl to make a decision on whether to date you or not, many of which are beyond our control.

Dating culture in Asia can be very transactional. Do you meet her criteria for a future husband? Or just the criteria for a few fun dates? Many times this criteria is not set by her at all, but by her family. And the worst thing she can do is dishonor her family by dating an unqualified guy.

If you are a foreigner, a Westerner, or a non-local, this can be frustrating. We grew up with a Romeo and Juliet concept of love. Dating across cultures and social classes is the stuff of romance novels and romantic comedies. Not in Asia. Relationships get broken up by disapproving parents with no more than a shrug from the girl.

No need to get bitter, my good man. Chinese culture dates back 5,000 years, with customs deeply ingrained, despite their race to modernity and openness. Accept that you are swimming against the current right off the bat. Don’t be surprised if you get swept away a few times.

From my observations, the reason dating between western and Asian girls has so many hurdles is because of deep mistrust between the two cultures.

Two ways to date Asian girls

Therefore, to successfully date an Asian girl in Asia is to either find the one who finds an equal sense of intrigue in dating you as a Western male. She is someone who finds attraction in this mystery and uncertainty. She might have a rebellious spirit and impulses.

Look out for asian girls who embrace other rebellious lifestyles or habits. Say a girl who smokes cigarettes, has tattoos, or speaks several Western languages. She is likely to be curious by the possibility to date, and even have a serious relationship with a Western guy. Her parents have probably given up on restraining her, meaning you won’t get the pushback from them.

Asian girls who are tanned, taller than average, or dye their hair in loud colors are good candidates as well. They have already broken through some of the traditional barriers and are looking for a partner who appreciates them for who they are, not for what their tradition or family expects them to be.

Be the man who embraces her rebellious nature and you’re off to a good start.

But what if you’re not into tattooed girls you say? Well there are plenty of local and traditionally minded Asian girls but to conquer their affection, you’ll have to work harder.

First you need to dispel the uncertainty factor she’ll have towards dating a westerner. You can do this by picking up certain traits that local Asian guys have. For example, speaking the local language in the local accent, collecting traditional Asian art and displaying it in your apartment, or showing some form of a reach-over into the world.

Imagine if you wanted to date a Japanese girl in the United States. It would be easier to hit it off on the first date if she wore a New York Yankees hat and spoke English using the latest slang. But if she spoke English with a strong accent, then you’d need to overcome this barrier to move onto the next level of building connection.

Where to meet Asian girls?

Asia makes up 4.5 billion people on Earth, or the majority of the population. This means you can meet Asian girls everywhere, whether you’re in the West or in Asia. I don’t recommend dating an Asian girl at your workplace, for obvious reasons. Nor do I recommend using dating apps, unless you look like the 1990's version of Brad Pitt. Organically meeting people is still possible in the world of social media and smartphones. I encourage you to chat up an Asian girl in the street, and reach out for a handshake with a “Nice to meet you, my name is….”

There are myths that Asian girls are shy to be approached on the street. It couldn’t be further from the truth. Most Asian countries have very dense cities and overflowing populations. Asians are used to living in busy, bustling cities like Tokyo, Shanghai, and Taipei. People are everywhere and there is little concept of personal space. Use it to your advantage to easily chat up an Asian girl you find attractive at a street corner, convenience store, or bus stop.

While the number of guys willing to approach Asian girls, or any women on the street is under the one percentile. That means the world is yours, if you just step up to the plate, and say hello with your best slight smile.

Where to take Asian girls on a date?

Don’t overthink it. You don’t want to end like an episode of Seinfeld and take a Chinese girl to a Chinese restaurant. My recommendation is go somewhere with a vibe, where conversation is not the main activity of the date. This means going to a place where you can interact with the environment — anywhere with nature, a garden, the zoo, night markets, the beach, a hike, a shopping mall. Go somewhere you can point and comment, have a laugh, a pillow fight, or feed each other street food.

If English isn’t her first language then don’t have a long conversation about politics and international relations. Keep it light and fun, and use plenty of body language. If you love to have deep conversations, then do it on the third date or after. She may get spooked if she thinks dating you is like sitting in an English class.

One of the best dates I took a girl on was to IKEA. We took our time looking at all of the things we don’t need, tried some beds and comfy sofas, and pretended we were shopping for our future home together. There were no awkward silences or pressure to speak English, or speak at all. At the end of the date we got ice cream for 30 cents and took a walk.

How to have text message chats with Asian girlsIn most Asian countries, texting with cute stickers is not only the way young people communicate, it's also the way locals talk to their family, and business is done. It's not uncommon to close a big sale by sending a cute bear sticker over LINE app. Just go with it. Don’t fight it. Choose the WeChat or LINE sticker pack that represents you.

If you can’t text by typing the local characters or language, then use simple English but avoid the kind of banter you used to flirt at home. Sarcasm doesn’t go over in Asia. Being a straightforward gentleman will get you far better results.

Being the son of mixed parents, I believe interracial relationships are a beautiful thing and should be pursued whenever possible. Hopefully this post gives you a step in the right direction.

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